Hoping to someday find M's brother adopted in the U.S. -
Myckola Oleksandrovych Markov - 8/26/2003

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

4 Days

We're still a little jet lagged but I think maybe its not so bad coming home as going over. While in Ukraine we felt like we'd been gone forever, but once we got home it kind of felt like we'd never left except that we left colorful leaves on the trees and 65 degree temps to come to home no leaves on the trees and a windchill around 10 degrees.

It snowed Monday so Wesley's preschool was canceled but he still had his Christmas program that night which we were SO glad that we got to both be here in our little window of time and see him. Of course he sat on the steps and didn't sing, but watched everyone else. Oh well, he's only 4 and we were just happy he stayed on stage. He seems to be terrible shy in front of people.

Phillip leaves Sunday morning to fly out of Charlottesville and into Dulles then has about a 6 hour layover before he flies to Frankfurt then another long layover there before he gets into Kiev. Poor guy! He went back to work Monday and has already got 2 hours overtime. Of course we can use the money because he didn't get paid while we were in Ukraine and won't get paid while he's gone again to get Katya.

We came back to find the Christmas season in full swing but we're having a hard time getting into it. For one thing, we won't be together and another is that we've just spent a month in Ukraine in an orphanage and Christmas almost (to me anyways) seems like a frivalous spending spree and not the celebration of Christ's birth that it should be.

The kids are excited about Christmas and Katya. We're going to wait till Daddy and Katya get back to celebrate Christmas here at our house. The kids won't know the difference and that way Katya still gets to have her first Christmas with a family. Ukraine celebrates the New Year first, then they have Christmas then they celebrate their "Old New Year." We might just find ourselves celebrating all January long.

I've nearly washed all of our clothes and I've started getting Phillip's stuff ready to go back. I cried every day we were in Ukraine (not constantly of course!) because I missed the kids and I'm sure I'll probably cry every day while Phillip is gone until he gets back and we're ALL together as a family of 5. This whole process has turned me into an emotional sap lol.

Seriously though, the emotional toll of adopting is nothing to sneeze at. I've heard it said that adoption is not for the faint of heart. I don't really agree with that because I consider myself pretty faint of heart! Without God as my source of strength, calm, wisdom, and comfort, I would not have been able to take all the ups and downs of this process and keep going. I think this whole process made me realize in a new way how weak I really am and how big God is.

I read the book Crazy Love while we were in Ukraine and I love how it talks about Christians always wondering what "God's Will" is for their life. They spend so much time searching for "God's Will." If they could just figure out "God's Will" then they'd do it. Well the book goes on to say that we should be living "God's Will" in the NOW. What does God want us to do RIGHT NOW. We aren't supposed to figure out the "Master Plan" and then try to go do everything just right so we don't mess it up. No, God wants us to do what He would do RIGHT NOW.

That was such a source of comfort to me because we had to make so many snap decisions and I was left wondering "What if I just screwed up what God intended for us?" "What if that was the wrong decision?" "How do I know this is what we're supposed to do?" Basically the answer is that God walks with you and no matter what choice you make, if you are really seeking his will and trying to love and serve Him then you are living out His will for your life. There isn't some secret to finding God's Will. You just have to live in it.


Gary and Tina said...

I love this email Erin. So inspiring. I am so glad you guys found your daughter. Will be praying for safe travels.

Mom2Four said...

Thanks so much. You have no idea how much comfort your description about the book Crazy Love has brought today

sarah said...

God doesn't promise to take us out of the valley, but he promises to walk beside us through it.

We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life; but those who make their journey home across time and miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,are carried on the wings of destiny; and placed among us by God's very own hands. --Kristi Larson