Hoping to someday find M's brother adopted in the U.S. -
Myckola Oleksandrovych Markov - 8/26/2003

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

~Late Night Thoughts~

We have asked Mariah about her friends.  She talks about Susanna, Olya, Sasha, and Natasha ALL the time.  We never saw them (except for Natasha) so, we would ask if they were her friends.  A translator also asked her a couple of times as well in Russian at the Kluge Center, and then again when the translator for the school came to our house last week (yes, I'm still not ready to write about that yet!), she asked as well. 

Every time Mariah says "No." 

No friends in grouppa. Nyet padrushka.

It was confusing to me.... until yesterday.

She was talking about Wes and Wy being her brothers (bratchik) and I explained that she was their sister.  "You know Mariah, sestra?"  She looked at me.  Mama, Susanna my sestra.


Her grouppa was her family, NOT her friends.  They were her brothers and sisters.

It breaks my heart that we weren't allowed to take pictures of her grouppa or ask if any of them were available for adoption. I would so go back.  I know I would be an emotional mess all over again if I had to get on a plane and leave my kids again, but I would do it RIGHT now.

Every day I ask God why.  Why do so few go?  Why did I have to see Natasha when I don't know anything about her other than her name and the fact that Mariah considers her a sister?  Why God?  Why does no one else go?  Is it the money?  It was the money for us until we realized that God wouldn't leave us standing here saying, "Ok God, we tried but you didn't provide a way."

Wes asked me tonight where Susanna and Mariah's other friends are at.  "Where did you go, mom?  Where do they live?"  I explained to him that they live in an orphanage because they don't have parents.  He asked me if God knew.  I said yes.  He asked me if the kids were mad at God.  I said I thought they were probably just very sad.  He asked why they didn't have mommies or daddies.  I said because some of their parents died, some couldn't take care of them.  He asked if God was mean.  I told him no, absolutely not.  God is not mean.  God LOVES those children so much that He told us to go get Mariah so she wouldn't be sad anymore.  I told him that one of his best friends also used to be in an orphanage in China and God told his mommy and daddy to go get him and his sisters too so they wouldn't be sad anymore either.

Then he asked me,  "Well, why aren't the other mommies and daddies listening to God and going to get those other kids so they won't be sad anymore either?"

My reply: "Baby I just don't know."

He said that he would be good if we went to get another Katya so she wouldn't be sad either.  He knows what it is to miss his mommy and daddy for a month.  He told me last week that he didn't like talking to me on the computer (skype) because he missed me and wanted to hug me. (Left me teary eyed because he refused to talk on skype and it broke my heart every time cause I knew why)

He's 5.  He gets it.  He's willing to do it all over again.

Are we?           

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We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life; but those who make their journey home across time and miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,are carried on the wings of destiny; and placed among us by God's very own hands. --Kristi Larson