Hoping to someday find M's brother adopted in the U.S. -
Myckola Oleksandrovych Markov - 8/26/2003

Saturday, November 10, 2012

National Adoption Month: What is adoption?

November is National Adoption Month.  I see a lot of clip art and images on facebook with pictures of children either in obvious need of adoption, or happily experiencing the love of a family.

But I'd like to talk about the in-between.  What happens between the photo of a child in desperate need of a family and then the smiling photo of a well loved and happy child?  A lot of people seem to think that all that happens is love.  Lots and lots of love!

While that may be true, its true on a much deeper level than anyone who hasn't experienced it can comprehend.

While there are stories of people meeting their child for the first time and falling immediately in love, I hear more and more stories like mine.

I call it "The Hard."

What we experienced after bringing our daughter home was undoubtedly the hardest thing I have ever had to walk through.  A child who doesn't know what love is pushes unfathomable boundaries just to see if you mean what you say.  They do things they know will make you angry just to see if you will take them back.  They may not do these things just once, or twice, or three times.  They might do them for months, and months, and months.  Once they establish in their mind what happens in a particular situation, they might move to testing a different one.  Four years of inconsistency might mean years of testing just so they can be repeatedly reminded where the boundaries are because to them, boundaries and consequences equals "safe."

The things your child has experienced before they became yours will have left deep, ugly, painful scars that will manifest themselves in ways that might in turn reveal a side of you that you did not even know you existed.

Everything you might know about parenting will be rendered useless.  Utterly useless.   

You may be left feeling so inadequate and alone.

The frustration is maddening!  "What do I do to fix this!?" 

There might be absolutely no one who understands what you are dealing with.  The isolation alone might make you question if all of *this* was a huge mistake.

Why God?  Why did you tell  me to do this when I am failing so miserably!?

You might fall to your knees sobbing in your closet one day because "They did it AGAIN." and you just lost it.

You were a good mom.  Now you aren't so sure. 

"Oh God" you might sob, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? I can't do this!!  I thought I was a good parent, but I am a miserable excuse for a mom and I CAN NOT DO THIS...without You."

And that is where you will realize what adoption is.  You will understand with a fullness that you never could have grasped before, what God did when He adopted you.  You will realize that if God can know every.single.little.thing about you and still love you enough to die for you, then you have already received an amount of grace so large and undeserved that it can only be shared.

You might realize that is what God was doing when He chose you to parent this child.  He was asking you to walk a path so impossibly hard that you would end up on your knees in desperation, crying out to Him for help so you could understand and appreciate on the deepest spiritual level what had already been done for you.

By living redemption out in your own home, you might just grasp how great the Father's love for you really is, and in realizing that, you have in essence not saved your child; your child has saved you.

Adoption is Redeeming Love.

 ...and at some point, you might even find yourself wanting to experience it all over again. 

Adoption is worth it all.


Milena said...

You will, you really will, won't you? Adopt Vitaliy and his brothers? If so, congratulations to a beautiful and brave decision!

I've read your blog for a while now, but haven't commented before.

Mama of 3 said...

We are still awaiting direction from God on that :) They are not currently available for adoption at this time.

We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life; but those who make their journey home across time and miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,are carried on the wings of destiny; and placed among us by God's very own hands. --Kristi Larson