Hoping to someday find M's brother adopted in the U.S. -
Myckola Oleksandrovych Markov - 8/26/2003

Saturday, August 17, 2013

A letter to my son

Dear D,

I found your half eaten pack of sunflower seeds this morning.  The ones without the shells because you like the reward without the work.  I cried.  I remember how silly you looked when you dumped the pack upside down into your mouth a little too fast and seeds came pouring out.

I picked up your shoes off the porch.  The ones with holes in them that you wore on the plane.  The ones we bought you at Christmas.  They still smell bad.  I can't throw them away just yet, so I put them back.

The loaf of Rye bread is in the place you left it.  No one else likes Rye.  I bought it for you.

I saw that you left your birthday cards underneath your bed.  I know you did that because you want them to be safe.  They are next to your Christmas stocking.

I washed your dirty socks.  I wanted to send all of your socks with you, but being the boy that you are, we had to make you shower and change clothes before driving to the airport.  They are waiting for you in your drawer.  I hope you don't end up needing them.

The math papers I helped you with are downstairs.  I can't throw them away.  You practiced writing your name in English on them and used our last name.

I drove a lot yesterday.  I took W to the doctor.  I went to Wal-Mart.  I drove to school.  I took M to therapy.  I did it all with an empty seat next to me.  I cried every time I had to look at it.

I cried at the sight of your bed last night when I told the boys "goodnight" because it was empty and I wanted to tell you that I loved you one.more.time.

I finally realized the last night you were here that the reason you never hugged us back was not because you didn't want to be hugged.  It was because no one had ever hugged you.  You didn't know how.  I only wish I had shown you where to put your arms sooner.

I miss you.  I will come get you.  Wait for me.

Your mama.

1 comment:

Carolina said...

Beautiful. One day he'll read and cry. And hug you :)

We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life; but those who make their journey home across time and miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,are carried on the wings of destiny; and placed among us by God's very own hands. --Kristi Larson