Hoping to someday find M's brother adopted in the U.S. -
Myckola Oleksandrovych Markov - 8/26/2003

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Its Hard

It is so hard to leave my kids, and go to another country for several weeks.  Hard. Hard. Hard.

If anyone honestly thinks that adoption is like a "European Vacation" and its fun, well they are wrong.  Its the hardest thing I have EVER done.  It was hard the last time, and its hard now.

It was hard to love a child for a summer and send him back.  It was hard to love him and his brother again for Christmas and send them back again.  It was hard to love a child a 3rd time, have him fit so completely and then have to send him back. Again.

It was hard to choke back tears while my children cried that they would miss me as they said goodbye.  It was hard to waive goodbye and finally sob in my husband's arms as the kids drove out of sight.

Its hard to leave my house, my friends, my church...my life.  Its hard to just drop it and walk away.

Its hard.  All of it.

Yet we chose it.  The good, the bad, the wonderful, and the hard.

Because as much as my heart breaks having to watch sad little faces say they miss me on Skype, I cannot begin to imagine the pain that little hearts have endured from a mother and father who did not love them like they should have.  So what is my pain then?  A gift from God to maybe understand just a little the pain that my children who were born to another mother have endured?

When I think about their pain and what they have been through, that's hard too.  So, I'll stay through the hard and smile even when my heart hurts because I LOVE these boys.
They have waited a long time for a mom who will love them, even when its hard.



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We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life; but those who make their journey home across time and miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,are carried on the wings of destiny; and placed among us by God's very own hands. --Kristi Larson