Hoping to someday find M's brother adopted in the U.S. -
Myckola Oleksandrovych Markov - 8/26/2003

Monday, March 10, 2014

That Project

M brought home a project today.
Its the one that adoptive parents dread.
The one asking for baby pictures and cute excerpts from your child's infant and toddler life.

Only my child doesn't have pictures of infanthood. 
I don't know what she liked as a baby.

These kinds of projects are so painful because of what they bring up about a child's past.

WHY don't I have baby pictures?  WHY weren't you there?  WHY did my tummy mom leave me? 

I gave her the option of not doing it at all (she was scared she'd be in trouble with her teacher if she did not do it), skipping school on project day OR modifying it.

Skipping school to her is not an option, so she chose modifying it.   

This is what we decided on.

I'm proud of her.  I was nearly in tears because its JUST NOT OKAY to make a Kindergarten student feel singled out because they don't have baby pictures or toddler pictures.  So.much.trauma. can be involved in those memories of what life was before they had a forever family.  I was so worried we'd go down the "But why didn't my tummy mom keep me?" road again.  And I... just  :(


She embraced this with such enthusiasm.
"YES!  I want to be in God's hands!"


SammE said...

You and M did a fine job of adapting the project. Well done! I was a teacher of little people, and I would have been very aware of M's early life situation and asked you ahead of time if there was a way her project could be more appropriate. What you did was perfect! I'd have loved to see this in my marking pile. :) samm in Canada

Elliott Blackwell said...

Love your take on the project. We know only too well how difficult such projects can be. It's heartbreaking when they come but you took something painful and made it beautiful and amazing.

MusicGirl23 said...

What a wonderful adaptation! With the huge number of families that are not 'nuclear' these days I am amazed assignments like this still are given...

Pat said...

As a young teen, my daughter was given the assignment to interview someone who was present at her birth. Of course there was no one, and the assignment didn't make adaptation possible. She felt singled out and sad. What a terrible assignment. The world has changed, families have changed, and these assignments need to change.

nicolesnitselaar said...

I hope the teacher got he message through all the emotions given to us reading this project !
Good job ! What a great idea!!!!

nicolesnitselaar said...

I hope the teacher got he message through all the emotions given to us reading this project !
Good job ! What a great idea!!!!

Kara Minor said...

I really hope you spoke to the teacher about this. I saw this and I've ALWAYS planned on adopting and yet I've never considered how this project could affect someone. I even do a project similiar to this in my Kindergarten class and haven't had a reaction yet. I hate the thought that I sent this home with a heart baby and hurt their heart.

I'd mention it to the teacher--they probably didn't think it either and they may not even realize how big of a deal it was when M's book came in. As they just saw it as beautiful and moved on. The sad reality is that most of us don't realize adoptions don't come with baby pictures....I'm sure the teacher would love to hear how it affected you so they can change it next year :)

We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life; but those who make their journey home across time and miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,are carried on the wings of destiny; and placed among us by God's very own hands. --Kristi Larson