Hoping to someday find M's brother adopted in the U.S. -
Myckola Oleksandrovych Markov - 8/26/2003

Monday, January 26, 2015


I've been working on writing some things down from the past year, trying to process what I've dealt with.  As I shared in a previous post, I really hope to write a book about all of it.  In writing though, I've come to realize a few things.

1) I never got the chance to process the grief of losing the boys' baby brother.  There was no time to grieve in Ukraine and once we got back it was the sudden shock of realizing I had to fight the school.  I never got time to grieve the child I planned for, but didn't get to bring home.

2) I am still so very angry.  I write and it comes out.  I am still so deeply angry and hurt for so many reasons.

3) I can more clearly see the inconsistencies of the nonsense the school has stated when I take the time to write out what was said in a meeting.  For example, I had a teacher (that does NOT speak Ukrainian) insisting that V still understands Ukrainian, despite the fact that he can no longer hold a conversation with his own grandmother in Ukraine via Skype.  He just cannot remember the language.  I'm sitting there explaining that he's not really an ESL student because he has no second language anymore.  English IS his language.  They are saying no no no, his issues are because he doesn't speak English well, while they insist he understood the translator on the evaluations.  Ok.  So IF he can understand Ukrainian and a translator was used then how the heck can Limited English Proficiency be listed as the reason he didn't qualify for Special Education services under a Specific Learning disability?  The eval was translated right?  Yet that is the reason listed in his meeting minutes.  INSANITY.  Which leads me to number 4.

4) I am still so very angry.    


Erin Lafreniere said...

I'm sorry you're so angry. This may not be the best post to comment on, but I didn't see an e-mail address to contact you. My husband and I are considering hosting a child from Ukraine this summer (for the first time). I was wondering if you had any words of wisdom, advice, or just things you wished you knew or thought of before you hosted the first time.

Mom to Mine said...

Yes, I would be happy to share what hosting is like. Can you post your email?
The biggest thing I think is to not overdo it. The kids need immediate guidelines and boundaries. They don't know how to appreciate new things, so take it slow. Its best to keep the first week low key as they are exhausted. Also you will get to know your child and their likes and dislikes pretty quickly. Stealing, lying, hitting, and disrespect are common. The kids need parents and families, not a new best friend. It really is a ministry, so don't go into it expecting the kids to be super thankful or grateful. Their lives have given them nothing to be thankful for. They need unconditional love.

We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life; but those who make their journey home across time and miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,are carried on the wings of destiny; and placed among us by God's very own hands. --Kristi Larson